Problems, problems.....

Augh! I'm having the worst time right now with our printer. I've had printheads burn out too soon, and colors that stop working altogether. Now it's the yellow. I had to print yesterday's bulletin in grayscale because the yellow wasn't working in order to do color printing. :-( The other assistant pastor told me he liked the "retro" version (ha!) I'm needing to still print this coming Sunday's bulletin, as well as some welcome letters that should be going out right away. Can't do anything right now, except in grayscale. I'm sooo fed up with this!

I think some of it is because of some bad ink cartridges I bought on ebay. There was a hole in the back of these (probably to refill with ink), but what happened is that air got into the feed line, then into the printhead, which is separate. I think the air in the system dried out the ink in the line and the printhead and got everything clogged up. Bummer!

Pray I can use some home remedies to get this problem fixed and the ink flowing again, without needing to purchase any more ink or printheads.

Mom Henne and Our Week in Lodi

A week ago yesterday (June 28) my mother-in-law, Rod's mom Esther, passed away. She was 92 years old, had dementia, and had been steadily declining for several years. She had been admitted to the hospital on June 26 with suspected gangrene in her feet and legs. She may have died due to a reaction to one of the antibiotics she was given to fight the gangrene.

Mom Henne's memorial service was held last Friday. Jeweliann and Dawn Michelle, her two granddaughters, sang at the service. They did a beautiful job. Dawn Michelle's pastor from Cornerstone officiated at the service, held at Mom Henne's home church, Vinewood Community. People got to share some memories of Mom. She will be remembered as a kind, loving and patient lady.

There was a luncheon held afterward in the fellowship hall. Several family members and Mom's old friends attended. It was good for Rod and me to see several people we hadn't seen in years, and also to have time to connect again with family as well.

During our stay here, we spent some time with our nieces and nephews, as well as our great- nieces and nephews. I deeply appreciated doing that. I hadn't done or really appreciated doing that with either side of the family earlier in my life. I seem to get on well with Sarah especially. She's 6, and a sweet and silly thing; pretty relaxed even around those she doesn't know well.

We had a big barbecue for July 4, with almost all local family here, and many friends. It was a good time, capped off with the traditional walk around the block from René's house to the Galt Festival Grounds for the fireworks display. Best and easiest place to see them locally. We took some chairs and sat in the grass outside the Festival entrance, off the parking lot. They were launched probably not more than 1000 feet away, in the athletic field right on the other side of the grounds.

Most of the weekend was pretty low-key, spent resting and napping, pretty much. Rod and I did go over to Lodi Lake Sunday evening and walked around the wilderness trail there that leads to the Mokelumne River and back to the park. Very beautiful area. Perfect weather, no too hot, but still for shorts.

Rod and René are now starting in on finishing business for Mom. They will think what to do about selling Mom's house. They'll probably sell it as-is. Pray it sells, and quickly. Rod and I go back on Wednesday the 8th.

I've Changed; I'm Different

(This is subsequent to the "Women's Retreat" blog post.)

I've had many indications in the past month that what happened at the Women's Retreat changed me more than I thought. Like the decision to live more with my heart enabled God to do something so beyond me, but I don't know exactly what. All I know is without really trying, I'm a different person.

The first thing I knew was different was concerning the binder for next year's retreat. Right away the first night of the retreat, God spoke to my heart, "You're going to do the whole binder next year." Okay. Then a few days later, He started giving me allll these details about what was going in it and how it would be carried out, and even kind of how it would look in my mind's eye. Not only that, I was thinking artwork and stickers (stickers!!), and even me doing a craft-y gift for the ladies. It'll be cute! I just never did crafts before. I never used to get into details and fou-fou so much, but here I am enjoying the ideas swirling around in my head. :-) (Note: What I saw in my mind's eye, and that the Lord did indeed want me to do it has already been confirmed and ok'd by someone else, otherwise I wouldn't put it here.)

Secondly, it was finally the right time for me to give my personal testimony at our monthly Women's Fellowship on Saturday morning. I had been scheduled about 8 months before, but things came up with me, and my turn passed. Because of my heart change, I was able to better write and share from my heart. I even went so far to not just tell my story, but also share a bunch of family pictures, of both sets of parents and other family members. It made the testimony more 3-D, and people could put faces with names. The pics were a hit!

While I was madly trying to finish writing the evening before the meeting, I thought, "Oh, yeah, I need to give a devotional, too!", realizing I didn't have time to put one together. The Lord answered, "Read from The Book of Bert". Huh? But I heard it in my heart loud and clear. I was able to find The Book of Bert 1, 2 and 3 quickly in the garage. Yay! When I told Rod, he said, "That's not biblical!". Well, maybe I didn't hear right. I tried to look through The Gift for All People, but nothing in there fit. I looked through some more photos, and just knew that only The Book of Bert would fit. The Book of Bert is 3 booklets of collected short CPA newsletter introductions from my foster dad, Bert. He would talk about his ministries, his foster kids, going out to breakfast with Mom and kids, mostly, in a newsletter that otherwise just talks about tax law. I chose several selections to read. People were very blessed to hear these selections. I am a product of someone else's ministry, and God came through clearly in those selections.

Thirdly, a couple weeks ago our church had a picnic and baptism in Bandera on the Medina River. I got there, and not too long after Rod and I arrived, I was taking off my clothes to my bathing suit underneath, grabbed my camera, and out into the water I went, without a second thought. After I was done with the camera, I dropped it off and hopped right back into the water and was swimming around with the others. Rod told me later I "didn't seem to be so particular" (his exact words) about what was going on. My dad later said the same thing about how I was when I related it to him. I guess I was hung up on messing up my hair, my makeup, getting wet and dirty, etc. Nope, just got out there and had a good time, and didn't care how I looked to anyone else. I would've stayed out swimming longer if it didn't feel like my shoulders were burning. Next time, I'll get the 80 SPF so I can stay out longer.

Fourthly, I went shopping for desperately-needed tops at Goodwill last week. I surprised myself at some of the stuff I was willing to look at, both in color and fabric. Again, I think Rod would use the word "particular" when describing what I'd be willing to consider in clothes. I'd almost never come away with much. This time I came away with many nice items, NONE of them with any prints on them, just texture, trim, or lace. I think I would try to hide behind prints, and would only consider cotton or cotton blends. This time I came away with a mix of summer & winter stuff. At Goodwill, if it fits, you get it and just save it for later. I even got a dark brown chenille top. I've never worn chenille! I got a cute velour (velour!) hoodie jacket with satin trim. No way!

Fifth, I've also been more inclined to pray about stuff, wanting to be in tune with the Lord more. It's hard to pray with your head for very long, but much easier with your heart.

Those are just a few of the very visible (even to others) ways I can see I've transformed and am living life more with my heart.

Women's Retreat

(This was originally started on June 3, and I'm finishing it June 19)

Last weekend Thursday through Saturday (May 28-30), our church had its annual Women's Retreat. I didn't go with a lot of expectation except, "Of course I'll go, I'm leadership". I'd missed the last two because of illness, so this year I asked for prayer to keep me healthy so I could go. Prayer answered.

It all began with a can of Play-Doh. One of the ladies led a group activity based on the concept of "One body, many parts" (Romans 12:3-8; I Corinthians 12:4-31). Each small-group member was given a different colored can of Play-Doh. Each was supposed to hand-make something that represented her. I made--what else?--a brain. I am often known as "the brain" of a group, keeping things organized, informed and running. My main spiritual gift is Administration.

All well and good. Our speaker was a member of my group. She said, "We can know God and about God with our brain, but we also need to know Him with our heart. In the original language, the word translated "know" is the same word for being intimate with your husband, i.e., like Joseph knew Mary." Unbeknownst to me at the time, she had that fresh on her tongue from studying for her third message for us out of four, Ephesians 1:15-23.

*Bam!* My eyes were opened to a new understanding of how I needed to be with God. I was convicted that I was relating to others and God with my brain, but not my heart. My heart was closed because of a lot of childhood pain, embarrassment, and people not reciprocating when I did give them a piece of my heart.

Here, God has called me once again to be a pastor's wife, as well as being the Prayer Chain coordinator and co-leader with my husband of Keeping In Touch (K.I.T.) Ministries, primarily ministering to adult individuals and small groups, as well as welcoming and incorporating newcomers. God has both a sense of humor and vision way beyond ours. He often places us in ministry positions not for where we are, but how He already sees we are going to be. Up to now, I've been trying to do heart work with my brain, and it hasn't worked very well. I come across awkward at best sometimes, and with a little bit of an "edge" that shouldn't be there.

I was very convicted that immediately I needed to change. Given how much I had to go through physically with TB and all the complications and aftermath just for God to break my pride and work on my personal issues, I've learned not to stall or mess around when God shows me something, or I might possibly face another painful episode or "time out" to heed what He's telling me.

The next morning (Friday), I got up to go to breakfast and resolved right then that I would start relating to others with my heart. All that day, I was on the verge of crying every time I started to share this realization with someone. During Friday evening's afterglow and Saturday morning's communion sessions, I sat in my chair and sobbed and sobbed harder than I had in a long time. I didn't realize that when I was closed up trying to guard my heart from things from outside coming in to hurt it, I'd closed in and trapped a lot of hurt on the inside of that covering. When I resolved to open my heart's door, all this wordless crying came flooding out.

After Saturday morning's communion and subsequent break, there was a sharing session before we left, where anyone could come up and share what God had been doing, or say thanks, or whatever. I felt I needed to share my new realization and why I was sobbing so much with the ladies I have been called to lead, so I did. I shared my new realizations and resolve, and that I wanted to be a more approachable pastor's wife for them.

There was a palpable shift in the dynamics of what was going on in the room between me and the ladies after I shared. I got a big hug from one of the ladies for sharing. I think it helped the ladies better understand what was going on with me, and that I didn't have ice water running through my veins. It made me more human and more approachable.

I have sensed I've been putting people off, but had been asking the Lord to help me connect with others better. Often His answers come in a way that's not expected. But the answers come out better and more effectively with God answering the way He does sometimes.

The day after we got back from the retreat (Sunday), I walked into church, and one of the ladies approached me making a heart sign with her fingers in the air as "code" for what happened at the retreat. It was her way of showing me love and support for what I did. Several of the ladies made more of an effort to greet and hug me at church that day.

I have more to share about the aftermath of this change in my next post. Need to switch gears for now, though. :-)

Neglected

I've been neglecting our blog badly lately. :-( I've been a little caught up with Facebook. Tons of friends and apps. to go through. I've been looking for a way to connect our blog with Facebook so I can do both. We'll see if the app. I've subscribed to works to link them.

Anyway, was busy with writing a couple "devotionals" for the Women's Retreat we just had. It was actually group discussion questions, then a small Bible study on the Bible passages our speaker used, Ephesians 1:1-2:10. I'll try to get them uploaded.

Our Day at the Museum

Yesterday we finally went out to the Art Museum, and used passes Rod got from work forever ago. One word to describe the San Antonio Museum of Art -- HUGE! We spent a total of 3 hours there, and only got through maybe a third of it. It's got 4 floors, some partial, but still, lots of stuff to look at. Whew! We'll have to go again to finish. It's got free admission on Tuesdays from 4-9 pm.

On our way (it was midday when we went out), we stopped to have lunch at Starbuck's, since we had 2 cards sitting in our wallets forever. What we bought totaled $19.95, but our cards totaled $15, so we only had to pay $4.95 for lunch. Kewl!

We tried to eat downtown, but a lot of places were closed after 6:00, when we went looking. I saw Bill Miller and thought, "Why not?". We made I don't know how many trips around to find parking after finally finding a place to eat. We finally found parking and arrived there at 6:35 pm. The doors were locked. What?!? It closes at 6 pm. Augh!

We were both exhausted (read: bone tired) and couldn't think straight enough to try and find something else, so we headed home from downtown on I-10. We found a Chinese Buffet that was absolutely nothing special, but was a good price. Ho-hum.

We were in such a rush to get out the door we didn't bother to look at Yelp reviews, partly because we didn't know when we would be where. :-( All in all, though, it was nice just to get out of the house with one another.

Ugh! Muggy!

Ugh! The Texas humid heat has hit. We met for Bible study in the older empty house of a member family last night. It's not well-insulated and the a/c isn't that strong. It was uncomfortable in there!

We ended up not going to the Art Museum, as I really was tired and not feeling very energetic. We'll try again next week. Instead, I did dishes then rested and Rod got some trim painted in the dining area. I also cut Rod's hair after dinner. Not a completely lost day.

I need to kick it into gear today and get some stuff done. Lots to do! Haven't been on Facebook much except to process all the friend requests and goodies I've been sent.